Three Arkansas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.
One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Arkansas. In my favorite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident. I reattached them and, 8 months later, he performed a private concert for the Queen of England.
The second surgeon said, "That's nothing! A young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident. I reattached them and, 2 years later, he won a gold medal in Track and Field events in the Olympics.
"The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a woman rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the woman's blonde hair and the horse's ass. I was able to put them together and now she's a senator from New York.
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Montana Weather
Jack and his buddy Bob started on a ski trip together.They loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.
They spotted a farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep inthe barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.
"The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.
They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow they met during the ski weekend.
Jack dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north last winter?"
"Yes I do," said Bob
"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"
"Well, um, yes," Bob said, embarrassed about being found out.
"I have to admit that I did." "And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?
"Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look,I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?
"With a big grin, Jack said, "She just died and left me everything."
They spotted a farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep inthe barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.
"The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.
They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow they met during the ski weekend.
Jack dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north last winter?"
"Yes I do," said Bob
"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"
"Well, um, yes," Bob said, embarrassed about being found out.
"I have to admit that I did." "And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?
"Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look,I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?
"With a big grin, Jack said, "She just died and left me everything."
Monday, March 19, 2007
Not really affiliate sites.
These are sites with good information in them and are called niche sites,because all the info on the sites are about the same thing as the name of the sites.Check these out and you can also get other information from the adsence ads on these sites.
http://www.grass-roots-info.com/cats
http://www.grass-roots-info.com/party
http://www.grass-roots-info.com/roses
http://www.grass-roots-info.com/flowers
http://www.grassroots-info.com/realestate
http://www.grass-roots-info.com/camping
There are a lot of interesting things you can find on all of these niche sites.
http://www.grass-roots-info.com/cats
http://www.grass-roots-info.com/party
http://www.grass-roots-info.com/roses
http://www.grass-roots-info.com/flowers
http://www.grassroots-info.com/realestate
http://www.grass-roots-info.com/camping
There are a lot of interesting things you can find on all of these niche sites.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
The Wisdom of Will Rodgers
Don't squat with your spurs on.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.
If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.......The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
Never kick a cow chip on a hot day
.There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
Never slap a man who's chewin' tobacco.
It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
There are three kinds of men. The one who learns by reading. The few who learn by observation.
The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Math Problem?
UNBELIEVABLE MATH PROBLEM
Here is a math trick so unbelievable that it will stump you. Personally I would like to know who came up with this and why that person is not running the country.
1. Grab a calculator. (you won't be able to do this one in your head)
2. Key in the first three digits of your phone number (NOT the area code)
3. Multiply by 80
4. Add 1
5. Multiply by 250
6. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number
7. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number again.
8. Subtract 250
9. Divide number by 2
Do you recognize the answer?
Here is a math trick so unbelievable that it will stump you. Personally I would like to know who came up with this and why that person is not running the country.
1. Grab a calculator. (you won't be able to do this one in your head)
2. Key in the first three digits of your phone number (NOT the area code)
3. Multiply by 80
4. Add 1
5. Multiply by 250
6. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number
7. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number again.
8. Subtract 250
9. Divide number by 2
Do you recognize the answer?
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Your Cell Phone
There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies.Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival.
Check out the things that you can do with it:
FIRST Subject: Emergency
The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112. If you find yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile; network and there is an emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you,and interestingly this number 112 can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. Try it out.
SECOND Subject: Have you locked your keys in the car?
Does your car have remote keyless entry? This may come in handy someday.Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their cell phone from your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other "remote" for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).
Editor's Note: It works fine! We tried it out and it unlocked our car over a cell phone!
" THIRD Subject: Hidden Battery Power Imagine your cell battery is very low.
To activate, press the keys*3370# your cell will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you charge your cell next time.
FOURTH How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?
To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following digits on your phone:
* # 0 6 #
A 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. When your phone gets stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either.
If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones. And Finally....
FIFTH Cell phone companies are charging us $1.00 to $1.75 or more for 411 information calls when they don't have to.
Most of us do not carry a
telephone directory in our vehicle, which makes this situation even more of a problem. When you need to use the 411 information option, simply dial:(800) FREE 411, or (800) 373-3411 without incurring any charge at all.
Program this into your cell phone now.
This is the kind of information people don't mind receiving, so pass it on.
Check out the things that you can do with it:
FIRST Subject: Emergency
The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112. If you find yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile; network and there is an emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you,and interestingly this number 112 can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. Try it out.
SECOND Subject: Have you locked your keys in the car?
Does your car have remote keyless entry? This may come in handy someday.Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their cell phone from your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other "remote" for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).
Editor's Note: It works fine! We tried it out and it unlocked our car over a cell phone!
" THIRD Subject: Hidden Battery Power Imagine your cell battery is very low.
To activate, press the keys*3370# your cell will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you charge your cell next time.
FOURTH How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?
To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following digits on your phone:
* # 0 6 #
A 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. When your phone gets stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either.
If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones. And Finally....
FIFTH Cell phone companies are charging us $1.00 to $1.75 or more for 411 information calls when they don't have to.
Most of us do not carry a
telephone directory in our vehicle, which makes this situation even more of a problem. When you need to use the 411 information option, simply dial:(800) FREE 411, or (800) 373-3411 without incurring any charge at all.
Program this into your cell phone now.
This is the kind of information people don't mind receiving, so pass it on.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Becoming Illegal
Becoming Illegal (From a Maryland resident to his senator)
The Honorable Paul S. Sarbanes Senate Office Building 309 Hart Washington DC, 20510
Dear Senator Sarbanes,
As a native Marylander and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.
My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted.
If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years.
I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.
Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine.
Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively?
This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.
Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider.
Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost$10,000 a year.
Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.
Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.
If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative.
Thank you for your assistance.
Your Loyal Constituent,
Pete McGlaughlin
Get your Forms (NOW)!! Call your Internal Revenue Service 1-800-289-1040. Please pass this onto your friends so they can save on this great offer!!!!
Explain it to me once more: WHY do I have to "Press 1 for English"?
The Honorable Paul S. Sarbanes Senate Office Building 309 Hart Washington DC, 20510
Dear Senator Sarbanes,
As a native Marylander and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.
My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted.
If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years.
I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.
Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine.
Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively?
This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.
Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider.
Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost$10,000 a year.
Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.
Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.
If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative.
Thank you for your assistance.
Your Loyal Constituent,
Pete McGlaughlin
Get your Forms (NOW)!! Call your Internal Revenue Service 1-800-289-1040. Please pass this onto your friends so they can save on this great offer!!!!
Explain it to me once more: WHY do I have to "Press 1 for English"?
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Here is a site that will help you earn money.
This site will give you resell rights to ebooks you can make money with and use for yourself.
Check out Reports Today and you will be surprized.
Check out Reports Today and you will be surprized.
Monday, March 05, 2007
New U.S. Coin
Subject: New Dollar NO:
In god WeTrust
PLEASE PASS this On to All you Know:
BAN That COIN."
U.S. Government to Release New Dollar Coins
You guessed it' IN GOD WE TRUST'IS GONE!!!
Who originally put 'In God We Trust' onto our currency?
My bet is that it was one of the Presidents on these coins.
All our U.S. Government has done is Dishonor them, and disgust me!!!
If ever there was a reason to boycott something, THIS IS IT!!!!
DO NOT ACCEPT THE NEW DOLLAR COINS AS CHANGE
Together we can force them out of circulation.
In god WeTrust
PLEASE PASS this On to All you Know:
BAN That COIN."
U.S. Government to Release New Dollar Coins
You guessed it' IN GOD WE TRUST'IS GONE!!!
Who originally put 'In God We Trust' onto our currency?
My bet is that it was one of the Presidents on these coins.
All our U.S. Government has done is Dishonor them, and disgust me!!!
If ever there was a reason to boycott something, THIS IS IT!!!!
DO NOT ACCEPT THE NEW DOLLAR COINS AS CHANGE
Together we can force them out of circulation.
Saturday, March 03, 2007
Hi
The AdSense revolution is upon us, get on board this F,R,E,E website offer now, as I do not know how long this will last.
Seriously This could make you a fortune!
Regards,
Jim
Free Monthly Websites
The AdSense revolution is upon us, get on board this F,R,E,E website offer now, as I do not know how long this will last.
Seriously This could make you a fortune!
Regards,
Jim
Free Monthly Websites
Friday, March 02, 2007
New Affiliate Program
You can join this program for sending your ebooks,articles,or any other online info you sell.
It is immediate delivery.
Pay Dot Com
It is immediate delivery.
Pay Dot Com
Monday, February 26, 2007
New Sites to get info.
These new sites have the information you need to get into the Real Estate Business,
Learn to throw top notch Parties, and Grow the perfect roses. This is very good and sound
information that everyone needs.
Site 1 Real Estate
Site2 How to Party like a pro
Site 3 Roses you can enjoy
Look at these sites and others listed on this blog and get the info you can use.
Learn to throw top notch Parties, and Grow the perfect roses. This is very good and sound
information that everyone needs.
Site 1 Real Estate
Site2 How to Party like a pro
Site 3 Roses you can enjoy
Look at these sites and others listed on this blog and get the info you can use.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
The Older Generation
I'm over 60 and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down terrorists.(You can't be older than 35 to join the military.)
They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35. For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into submission. "My back hurts! I'm hungry! Where's the remote?"
An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war until you're at least old enough to drink.
The average old guy, on the other hand,has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer, and a jaunt through the desert heat with a beer and an M-60 would do wonders for the old beer belly. (Note there are 24 hours in a day and 24 bottles in a case...another convenient way tomeasure time!)
An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 am. Old guys always get up early to pee. If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them.
In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we like soft food.
We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We like them almost better than naps.
They could lighten up on the obstacle course however.
I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.
I can hear theDrill Sgt now, "Get down and give me ... ER ... One."
Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to carry on a conversation, and to wear pants without the top of his butt crack showing and his shorts sticking out.
He's hasn't figured out that a pierced tongue catches food particles, and that a 400-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda can rupture an eardrum, and that a baseball cap has a brim to shade eyes, not the back of his head.
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.
Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked us on September 11. The last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million old farts with attitudes.
They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35. For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into submission. "My back hurts! I'm hungry! Where's the remote?"
An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war until you're at least old enough to drink.
The average old guy, on the other hand,has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer, and a jaunt through the desert heat with a beer and an M-60 would do wonders for the old beer belly. (Note there are 24 hours in a day and 24 bottles in a case...another convenient way tomeasure time!)
An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 am. Old guys always get up early to pee. If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them.
In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we like soft food.
We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We like them almost better than naps.
They could lighten up on the obstacle course however.
I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.
I can hear theDrill Sgt now, "Get down and give me ... ER ... One."
Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to carry on a conversation, and to wear pants without the top of his butt crack showing and his shorts sticking out.
He's hasn't figured out that a pierced tongue catches food particles, and that a 400-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda can rupture an eardrum, and that a baseball cap has a brim to shade eyes, not the back of his head.
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.
Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked us on September 11. The last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million old farts with attitudes.
Monday, February 19, 2007
This is an awesome video!
Can there be any doubt about how our founding fathers and leaders through the generations have felt about God's place in America? Just double click on the video link below!
http://www.interviewwithgod.com/patriotic/highband.htm
http://www.interviewwithgod.com/patriotic/highband.htm
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Another new site.
Here is another new site that can make you money, if you place a link on your blog
or website. It is for over 18 only.
"> Click Here!
or website. It is for over 18 only.
"> Click Here!
A system to help you get started free!!!
Here is a system that can get you started making money for free!
This system is from a leading Internet Guru, Matt Callen and all you need to do is
Try it!!!
This system is from a leading Internet Guru, Matt Callen and all you need to do is
Try it!!!
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Thursday, February 08, 2007
New Niche Sites
These sites are for you folks looking to get in a certain category of business, Niche or special
areas to market your products.
Do you have a great idea for throwing a party.
How about a new or differant way to grow Roses
Want to learn more about Real Estate?
Check these sites out,you'll be glad you did.
areas to market your products.
Do you have a great idea for throwing a party.
How about a new or differant way to grow Roses
Want to learn more about Real Estate?
Check these sites out,you'll be glad you did.
Friday, February 02, 2007
Affiliate sites to check out.
Get some free TV channels on your PC
http://www.lyngsat.com/freetv/United-States.shtml
and also get free info pack from:
http://www.chuckharder.com/Free%20To%20Air%20TV.htm
Some ebooks you can make money on
Bizzy Days
Self Growth
Making Money
Ads
Simple Clicks
Traffic
Email Promos
Unlimited Income
http://www.lyngsat.com/freetv/United-States.shtml
and also get free info pack from:
http://www.chuckharder.com/Free%20To%20Air%20TV.htm
Some ebooks you can make money on
Bizzy Days
Self Growth
Making Money
Ads
Simple Clicks
Traffic
Email Promos
Unlimited Income
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Here are a few new sites.
These sites will help you find niche items to help you narrow down your search.
Care and Training of Cats
Camping for fun
Care and growing of Flowers
Care and Training of Cats
Camping for fun
Care and growing of Flowers
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